The dating world is hard enough as is, but when you have mental illness, it can feel even harder.
No matter your diagnosis, romantic relationships can be intimidating. As a person myself with
mental illness, I can understand the fears of judgement, rejection, and abandonment. Here’s
the thing: Those are fears everyone has in the dating world!
Just like how you would approach any relationship, mental illness or not: Communication is key.
We’ve put together a list of five comprehensive communication tips specifically for persons
with mental illness who are pursuing romantic relationships. As you read, you may notice that a
lot of the principles of communication in a relationship without mental illness are just as
relevant in a relationship with mental illness.
1. Communicate that you have a mental illness. Don’t hide it.
What is the number one piece of advice you hear the most concerning dating? Be honest
and open. We’re not saying that you have to tell someone right off the bat that you have a
mental illness, but it’s a good idea if you are pursuing a relationship with someone to let
them know. It can be scary to tell someone you want to date about something that feels like
a flaw, because it’s possible that you might face rejection. In our experience, most people
are understanding and usually ask questions about the illness instead of dismissing it or
judging you for it. However, it is always possible that someone will react negatively.
Remember to ask yourself: “Do I really want to date someone who won’t accept something
that I can’t control?”
2. Explain what your symptoms are, and what they feel like for you so that your partner
is prepared.
Most people hope that their partner will never have to see them at what they think is their
worst. The problem is that there is always a possibility when you have a mental illness that
you will have a bad day with overwhelming symptoms, and your partner may not recognize
what’s happening and feel lost. For that reason, it’s important to explain what your
symptoms feel like, and then give examples of the types of symptoms you may experience,
so that your partner can get an idea of what to expect and feel more prepared.
3. Tell your partner what coping skills work for you and what you typically need when
you’re having symptoms.
By telling your partner what coping skills work for you when you’re having symptoms, they
will most likely have a better understanding of how to help you. It is often even more
helpful if you are able to specify what coping skills work best for each individual symptom.
You can also clarify for which symptoms you need or want your partner to be physically
present when you are struggling, just send you text messages to check on you, talk on the
phone with you, leave you alone completely, etc. If you are specific about what you need or
want, your partner will most likely feel more comfortable with your symptoms and may
even feel more empowered by knowing how to help.
4. Let your partner know when you’re having symptoms.
Communicating when you’re having symptoms and what types of symptoms you’re
experiencing at the moment will help your partner to be more aware of what you currently
need and be more prepared. This will be especially effective if you have already utilized Tip
3 by letting your partner know what helps when you’re having symptoms, and what
specifically works for each of your individual symptoms.
5. Tell your partner that it’s okay if they get overwhelmed and that they can
communicate when they’re feeling that way.
In a safe, healthy relationship, it’s often important to establish trust by making sure your
partner feels comfortable with communicating when they’re overwhelmed too. Often,
someone who loves or cares about you may feel like they’re not allowed to feel negatively
in any way about your relationship. It can be helpful to remind your partner that it’s okay to
be overwhelmed or tired and to communicate how they’re feeling.
We at Two Faces of Jane truly hope that this list for persons with mental illness who are
dating will make romantic relationships a little less intimidating. Having a mental illness or
mental health challenge does not make you any less deserving of a healthy and honest
romantic relationship. As you venture into the dating world and try to find the right person for
you, remember that you are, and always will be, worthy of love and respect.
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